A birthday moment.

4 Jun

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It hit me as we were singing “happy birthday” to her that holy crap, this baby is one whole year old. I felt myself tear up but then it was time for cake cutting and passing plates and no time to be weepy. Thank goodness for bright sunshine and sunglasses.

The real breakdown moment came on her actual birthday. A quiet day just spent hanging out at home as usual, other than lunch with Daddy on his lunch break and cake after dinner. I went upstairs to get her up and that day, because of a mix up with Children’s and our infusion company (blah blah boring story), anyways, that day she was already disconnected from her pumps (which is usually something I do when I go up to get her but DH had done with the early morning bottle).

So for once, I got to just scoop her right out of the crib and into my arms and say “happy birthday, sweet baby,” and boom, breakdown. Because this baby I almost didn’t get, that almost didn’t stick, that had a complicated gestation and birth and 101 days in the hospital and still with the medical interventions and tubes in her body and SHE’S ONE. Holy crap.

We did it. We made it. It’s not over but it’s HUGE. I was just overcome in that moment with all the feelings. Pride, in her, in us. Joy. Relief. So much relief. So I held her close and really wept into her shoulder for a good five minutes. And then she smiled at me and we went on with her birthday.

I’m sharing more photos and stories from her birthday party today on my other blog but just wanted to share that with you all. I knew you’d understand.

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6 Responses to “A birthday moment.”

  1. Courtney June 5, 2014 at 2:32 am #

    I totally get it. I was a blubbering mess the entire month before Matthews first birthday.

    I love this photo of you all! BEAUTIFUL!

  2. Esperanza June 5, 2014 at 6:26 am #

    Beautiful. She is beautiful. You are beautiful. Your family is beautiful. This post is beautiful.

    One is a HUGE accomplishment. I totally get it. We all do.

  3. Low Fat Lady June 7, 2014 at 9:38 pm #

    Happy birthday! Adorable family! She looks just like your husband 😉

  4. Alissa S June 13, 2014 at 9:07 pm #

    This is such a heartfelt post! What a ONEderful milestone and feeling to have, knowing your child is surviving something so difficult. You my dear, are SO strong and brave. As is your lovely daughter. Thank you for sharing your story and her photo with us. I send you loads of hugs. Cherish it all!

  5. Lisa June 15, 2014 at 7:42 pm #

    Holy crap she is beautiful! So happy to see you all reach this wonderful milestone.

  6. Stephanie January 13, 2015 at 7:21 pm #

    Happy birthday sweet girl!! What a special day!

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