36 weeks

18 May

Holy cacao. We made it. It feels a little bit like reaching the finish line, though I know we still have miles to go before we’re both truly healthy and safe. But 36 is still huge. For us, it’s the second to last week turnover we’ll see, and it means that, come hell or high water, we WILL be meeting Turtle in 10 days or less.

Being on bedrest in a hospital is a funny thing. In one way, it’s every paranoid pregnant infertile’s dream. Imagine having a nurse just the push of a button away for every strange twinge and ache. Imagine having your vitals taken every four hours, including hearing baby’s heartbeat. Imagine daily NSTs to know if baby is okay and if you’re contracting.

On the other hand, your world is very, very small. Little things become huge things, like the personality of your nurse on duty and the way she does things. You get particular about the way your curtain is drawn, the angle of your bed, how high your window shade it. It’s like being in a very nice, caring jail, or getting locked in a hotel room (yet others can come and go).

Thank you all for your comments on my last post. It’s hard to believe the ride we’ve been on, and while I’ll never say anything like it’s unfair that we’ve had to deal with so much, I am starting to seriously struggle with those who not only get pregnant without difficulty, but who then go on to have perfectly easy pregnancies and deliveries and take their babies home from the hospital a few days later. I know their are much tougher roads than ours, which is why I’ll never talk about fairness. But there are also plainly much smoother ones, and I wouldn’t mind being on one of those.

But we’re not. We’re here and this is happening. I still can’t believe it, even as I feel his round head push up against the top of my belly for the millionth time, that there’s really a live human baby in my belly that’s going to come out and then be my baby forever. And when you put it that way, how can you not feel anything but lucky, how can these two weeks not feel like anything more than a blip on a radar screen.

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8 Responses to “36 weeks”

  1. Lisa May 18, 2013 at 9:36 pm #

    Love your attitude Mama! I hope the hospital stay zips by and you’re all home and healthy in the not too distant future. 10 days, wow!

  2. Esperanza May 18, 2013 at 10:03 pm #

    Yay for 36 weeks! You’re so close. You and Turtle are both fighters and soon you’ll be together, fighting side by side! I’m so excited for you to meet your little man.

  3. jjiraffe May 19, 2013 at 8:40 am #

    What a milestone. Yay 🙂

    Hang in there, lady. Your bravery and positive attitude are so inspiring.

  4. Alicia May 19, 2013 at 6:11 pm #

    Oh Shelley, I’m so happy that you’ve made it to 36 weeks! I wish that things were in fact more fair and honestly, given the bumpy road that you’ve been on, I think it’s just fine to feel a little cut short on the fair side of things. That said, you’re right, there is also lots to be thankful for as well and I’m glad that you are feeling this way too.

    10 days or less – wow! And Turtle will be here forever, your baby forever. I love this line.

    I love this post Shelley – you are in a good space in all ways. Keep us posted as you can! This is all very, very exciting and it’s really becoming more and more real! 🙂

  5. slese1014 May 19, 2013 at 8:32 pm #

    Congrats on the milestone!!! 10 days or less…Can’t wait to meet Turtle!!! Sending hugs and love and super good thoughts!

  6. Alissa May 20, 2013 at 12:56 am #

    You are doing SO well. I am so proud of you for finding the positives in a difficult situation. 36 weeks is huge! I can’t wait to ‘meet’ Turtle after all this time and I wish you both the best as you wait for his arrival.

  7. Ms. Future PharmD May 21, 2013 at 2:39 pm #

    Oh yay! 36 weeks! I hope for the most boring 10 days, where you have a calm and dull time and nothing happens beyond the basic normal stuff. Yay Turtle! Yay for you! So soon… wow time flies.

  8. alloallo May 22, 2013 at 4:36 pm #

    Keeping everything crossed that you guys are all well – as you say there are always tougher roads but also completely fair that you’re allowed to feel a bit bummed that there have been so many complications. I’ve recently emerged from pre-eclampsia myself – emergency c-section at 35 weeks and twins now at home and settling in, though very small. Hard not to have a minute of feeling a bit sorry for myself after a long complicated pregnancy, but like you say – incredible to have these small people in my life for the rest of it! And putting it that way, so so lucky.

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