Ultrasound update

26 Feb

As often happens on ultrasound mornings, I woke up nervous. I hadn’t felt Turtle kick much at all in the night and over the course of the morning, barely felt him at all. Awful thoughts went through my head and I admit I let my fears run a bit rampant.

Was it all for nothing? I’m not sure, but Turtle is fine. His growth is still on track. He weighs 1 lb. 7 oz. His heartbeat is 148 bpm. That’s the really good news.

The dilations are still there. There are many of them. The biggest one is up to 1.42 cm, up about .2 cm from 2 1/2 weeks ago. Dr. Kind explained that this likely means the hole in his belly is on the smaller side, which is causing things to constrict. While a small hole can be better in terms of repairing the defect, and it might help make sure no other organs slip out and are exposed to amniotic fluid, it can mean more damage to the bowel if it is constricted.

Still, we’re not in worrisome territory… yet. The dilations could stay the same, grow, or shrink. It depends on whether the hole gets bigger as he grows or if the bowel gets re-situated in a way that allows it to be a bit more free.

Despite all this, Dr. Kind still says for now to plan on a vaginal delivery and going to term. We want to keep Turtle in there as long as possible and will only deliver early if the growth slows dramatically or the dilations get much worse. He said we don’t want to add prematurity to the list of things Turtle and his doctors have to contend with once he’s born, if we can help it. And unless the bowel looks dangerously dilated, to the point where they feel it will be damaged during a vaginal delivery, we will move forward with that (aside from all the other factors in regular births that necessitate a C-section).

DH left the appointment feeling good but I still feel nervous for all of these unknowns. I want more than anything to “stay positive” but I feel in a way that I don’t know how to be. How can I be positive when there are so many unknowns? I ask. He says there are always unknowns. He never sees the need to worry until we have something to worry about. In my mind, we do have something to worry about  but he’s right in that, the things we have to worry about are still just possibilities, not realities. Until they’re realities, he’s not worrying. Much.

I continue to worry. Much. I can’t help it.

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13 Responses to “Ultrasound update”

  1. Courtney February 26, 2013 at 6:32 pm #

    I’ll be perfectly frank, I would worry too. I’m like you and would feel that yes, there IS something to worry about. Your DH sounds so much like B, it’s maddening. 😉 How can they stay so calm?? I play out every possible scenario in my head when B doesn’t even think about it until there’s something definitive to think about.

    I’m so glad that things are still looking good! The fact that they’re still hoping for a vaginal birth speaks volumes, I think!

    I would have been nervous this morning too. They can never move enough for us to feel comfortable before a doctor’s visit, huh? 😉

  2. Jenny February 26, 2013 at 6:40 pm #

    Of course you’re worried. You’re his mom and that’s your job. 🙂 In saying that, I don’t in any way make light of the special challenges you all have to deal with. But the good news is that you have a wonderful team working with you and that Turtle is going to get the best care possible.

  3. Belle February 26, 2013 at 6:57 pm #

    Worried is ok. But a doctor who says you are still in relatively safe territory is good assurance. Hang in there and try, hard as I’m sure it is, to enjoy this and not wish it away. Before you know it you’ll be full term and will bring a slightly complicated but healthy turtle into the world. Big hugs!

  4. Amy February 26, 2013 at 7:14 pm #

    I too think it would be stranger if you weren’t worried – which is NOT to say that you should be pessimistic about it, just that the unknowns are always worrisome, to me at least. I agree that the plan to proceed with a vaginal birth says a lot, I think it sounds like good news! This is such a hard situation, coupled with so much wait-and-see. Seems sort of parallel to the dual nature of a reaction to getting a pregnancy or birth announcement while you’re in the trenches – you can be thrilled for the lucky couple but still so very sad for yourself. Here, you can be optimistic that everything will turn out as well as it possibly can, but you can still worry. The way we can simultaneously have seemingly contradictory emotions is one of the best and worst things about being human, in my opinion. Doesn’t mean one has to overrule the other – they can and sometimes should coexist. I hope the worries don’t become overwhelming to you – you are doing great so far. Just keep doing one day at a time!

  5. Lisa @ hapahopes February 26, 2013 at 7:48 pm #

    You da momma. It’s you’re job to worry. It sounds like your doc is pretty optimistic still. Hang on to that!

  6. Gina February 26, 2013 at 8:14 pm #

    Worriers, that’s what we are. Can’t help it, especially now that you’re a mom. Men are just non-worriers and deal with things when it happens. We can learn a thing or two from men, but that’s just not our nature. Keep telling yourself that worrying will not change anything you have no control over. (So easier said than done!) Turtle is in great hands!!

  7. Amanda @ readingeachpage.blogspot.com February 26, 2013 at 8:20 pm #

    It’s normal to be worried when you’re the mom. I’m glad he’s still growing well and hopefully the dilation will do what it’s supposed by your next appointment.

  8. chon February 26, 2013 at 9:00 pm #

    I think you have legitimate cause for concern and I would also be scared. You have a fantastic team in place and its right to trust them and put your faith in them. But I do think if they thought it was worse they would be letting you know so let’s keep our fingers crossed that it will be all ok. Not to much longer to go

  9. JustMe February 26, 2013 at 9:40 pm #

    Awww, everyone has left you such good comments. I feel like I just want to say “ditto.” I completely about normalizing the worry and knowing it is part of your Mommy-role. I will say, there is a difference between preparing and planning and just generalized worry. Work on worrying about what you can control and then accepting that there are some things you cannot control. Good luck…thinking of you guys!

  10. Esperanza February 27, 2013 at 2:40 am #

    I think it’s TOTALLY normal to worry. People worry when there is really no need to worry. You have lots of understandable reasons. Validate your anxious feelings but also remember that they can’t change the out come. I used to make a chart where I listed my worry on one side and then l listed the positives that could come out of it (I might research something or find a way to possible prepare) and then I would list the negatives. Once I had explored the possible ways my anxiety might be productive (always a VERY short list) I reviewed the negatives (higher stress, higher blood pressure, not enjoying my pregnancy, etc) and tried to remind myself that worry wasn’t helping and to step back from it. It was actually quite helpful for me. But then again, by that time I was taking medication for my anxiety. 😉

  11. jjiraffe February 27, 2013 at 7:10 am #

    I’m glad your team is monitoring you so
    closely.

    It is definitely part of a Mama’s job to worry. Keep looking out for your turtle. 🙂

  12. Courtney February 28, 2013 at 12:23 am #

    wow..your husband is exactly like mine and I worry like crazy exactly like you. And we haven’t even had our second ultrasound yet! hang in there..glad to hear your little one is doing well. I’m going to take your advice though and stop worrying about “possibilities” until they become realities.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Wishing it away | tales from the waiting room - February 28, 2013

    […] stemmed from a comment from Belle, that was so on the nose and astute that it took me aback. On my ultrasound update post, she wrote, “Hang in there and try, hard as I’m sure it is, to enjoy this and not wish it […]

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