First appointment

13 Nov

So, we had our first OB appointment yesterday. Let me start this by saying that I was not at all prepared to leave my warm little nest at my RE’s office. I was comfortable with the process there, with the nurses, the doctors, and terribly spoiled by the weekly ultrasounds.

And I was also really thrown by the fact that “graduating” and picking an OB means figuring out where you want to deliver. That’s right, deliver. Something we infertiles have long trained ourselves not to think about because, yeah, right. Deliver. But whether or not I am going to get a healthy baby at the end of this, I have to at least pretend I am.

So we began thinking on this. My RE recommended an OB at his hospital downtown. At first I was fine with going with their recommendation and staying close to the nest. But then I started thinking about how very inconvenient it would be to have to get all the way into the city when the time comes to deliver. Getting in can take anywhere from 35 minutes to over an hour, depending on traffic. (Or on extra special days like today, two hours. Shoot me.)

One consideration: I want to labor at home as long as possible. I don’t want to spend my whole delivery in the hospital because then they might get impatient and push me towards pitocin. A hospital closer to home would make this a whole lot easier. Also, if we end up having to stay in the hospital for some time, it will be much easier for DH to run home to grab things, take care of the animals, etc., if we are near home.

And, universe forbid, we have a NICU stay in our future, then I really want to be close to home.

Here’s the thing: there’s a very nice, fairly state-of-the-art hospital about 10 minutes from my house. The birthing rooms all have whirlpools for water therapy. The main OB’s office that services this hospital is a combined midwife-OB practice, which we really like as well. But, we went through this hospital and this OB’s office with our first miscarriage and it left a bad taste in our mouths.

Still, when we considered all of these factors, we decided to go ahead and work with this hospital and practice again. Give them another shot. In theory, it makes so much sense. So like I said, my first appointment was yesterday evening with one of the head midwives.

Honestly? Once again, bad taste. This woman rubbed us the wrong way. She had a certain smugness about her. There was no, “welcome to the practice, my name is X, congratulations on your pregnancy, here’s how this all works.” We sat down and it was immediately – how many miscarriages? When was your last period? Do you have a family history of blah blah blah… She did a breast and vaginal exam on me that left me feeling like I’d been run over by a truck. And, I know this sounds horrifically shallow, but her shirt and white coat had stains on them.

She said everything “looks normal” but of course we don’t get an ultrasound until EIGHTEEN freaking weeks along. Unless we do the screening, which may or may not be covered by my insurance (I have to check). The amazing news is that this midwife NO LONGER DELIVERS THE BABIES. We were so happy to hear this, we may have smiled a little when she said it. So really, we never actually have to see her again. But still. (Good thing we caved and ordered a doppler last week.)

Even the receptionist was a sourpuss. And then they sent us to the hospital to have about 15 vials of blood drawn, I kid you not. So that’s that. We have another appointment in a few weeks with a different midwife, one who delivers. I really hope we have a better experience with her.

In the meantime, I’m going to try my hardest not to puke all over my desk this morning. So much easier said than done.

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13 Responses to “First appointment”

  1. Kristin November 13, 2012 at 5:07 pm #

    How frustrating! I had a friend in a similar situation. Drive 35-45 minutes at the best of times for a wonderful practice and amazing birthing facilities, or go to what is close and convenient. She opted for the far-away practice, but, in the peak of labor, changed her mind and went with the closest hospital because she couldn’t handle the thought of 45 minutes in the car dilated at 7 cm. No bueno! I hope this next midwife is wonderful, caring, and warm.

  2. slese1014 November 13, 2012 at 5:15 pm #

    OH Honey! You deserve someone you trust and click with to deliver your baby. You want to spend the next several months developing that relationship….I hope your next appointment is better, but I would definitely say something or fill out one of those “how are we doing”‘ surveys. I will be thinking of you….and praying you get a midwife who you click with….I’m so sorry your graduation appointment was so disappointing.

  3. Amy Skins November 13, 2012 at 5:25 pm #

    Ugh!! I’m so sorry. Choice of birth place and care givers can be a pretty big deal in how you feel about pregnancy and birth, and it sucks that it’s starting out stressful! That woman sounds awful. I truly hope your next appointment goes better, but… two bad experiences doesn’t seem like a great track record. 😦

  4. alloallo November 13, 2012 at 6:24 pm #

    really hoping your next visit improves, so hard not to feel comfortable after the long road you’ve had. I’m in the UK so we don’t really get much choice – there’s a couple of different hospitals I can choose from but I don’t know if I’ll get the same midwife or doctor any time I go. Moving on from the ACU is pretty great for me though, as they were not so great at patient-care themselves!

  5. Cristy November 13, 2012 at 7:50 pm #

    As nice as this office sounds, I would go with your gut instinct. If they left a sour taste in your mouth, there’s a reason. I know finding a good OB is hard, but you’ve worked your butt just to become pregnant and the last thing you need is feeling uncomfortable with your doctor/midwife.

    As much of a pain as this is going to be, I would try making an appointment with the recommended OB. You may be surprised with what you find and as much of a pain as it is to track into the city, it may be worth it.

    At any rate, I’m so sorry your first appointment was lack-luster. And complaining about the stains isn’t petty. I think it’s actually a great indicator of attitude.

  6. Courtney November 13, 2012 at 8:10 pm #

    Leaving the RE and going to an OB is scary. I felt like a duck out of water. I am glad you get to see someone different next time – because a great OB/midwife makes all the difference. I love, love, LOVE our OB and so does my husband. It’s important that you both like who you’re working with.

    I’m excited for you that you get to try someone new. You’ll find the right person for you!

  7. sams November 13, 2012 at 8:25 pm #

    Good luck with your next midwife appointment. It is really awful having to go to a hospital/clinic and meet with someone who has poor bedside manners. I’ve experienced this myself and it’s really frustrating.

    As far as the distance between the hospital and home, that’s not something that really concerns me. Our hospital is about 30 minutes from our house, which may seem like a lot, but when I think about how far my mom had to travel for each of her 3 pregnancies, it puts it into perspective for me..My dad drove her 2 hours one way to the hospital when she was in labor!

  8. Aplatanada November 13, 2012 at 9:26 pm #

    Add me to the list of infertiles that was like, “Whoa, we’re talking birth plan already?!” at the first OB appointment.

    I feel very lucky in that I love my OB/GYN, so I get to stick with her. It’s a big decision for sure- this is the person who you will rely upon for information and making you feel at ease. The good news is you can always change if you don’t like what’s going on.

  9. sass November 13, 2012 at 9:56 pm #

    I hope that your next experience is better! (When I first moved to Boston, I tried an OB at Tufts and had a horrible experience…so when it came to choosing one for this pregnancy I left the practice completely, but really that probably is a silly way to make a decision. I should have given another OB a chance.) One other thing to consider….you end up having so many appointments during pregnancy that, at least for us, it’s been really great to have an office that is almost always on time. If they weren’t, my husband might not be able to come to the appointments and I’d have to miss even more work than I already do.

  10. road2ourbaby November 13, 2012 at 10:47 pm #

    I was seeing a midwife practice before I got pregnant, thinking that if and when I did conceive, it might be nice to go that route. Right away I met a very crass CNM, and just didn’t like her style at all. Some of the others were very nice, but she rubbed me the wrong way, and there was a 1 in 3 chance she’d be the one to deliver my baby. As soon as I got pregnant, I switched to my best friends’ OB practice. I really hope you have a better experience at your next visit, and if not, that you are able to find another OB that you love.

    I just bought that exact doppler last night! Fingers crossed it works and gives us all some peace of mind. 🙂

  11. Joanna November 13, 2012 at 11:18 pm #

    I’m sorry that bad taste was still semi-there for you at this new/old clinic. Hopefully the other midwife will be much more pleasant to deal with and help to make this experience more enjoyable for you and hubs. I drive an hour and a half one way each time to see my specialist OB, but that is because she was also treating me for my endo as well. Congratulations though, on moving on to the OB, I know that’s scary but it does mean you are moving along in your pregnancy! As far as the ultrasounds, I know exactly what you mean! I haven’t had one in 6 weeks and it’s killing me. But oh well, I guess we must wait! Thinking of you and your sweet little ones and hoping the wait is not too long!

  12. Ms. Future PharmD November 14, 2012 at 3:54 pm #

    I have made the (irritating) choice to go with a practice I’m not thrilled with because it’s very close, I like the hospital overall (the nurses are excellent), and they are on time for appointments. It isn’t my favorite but I figure that I’ll only see the doctor for a few minutes (ugh) every few weeks so I’ll enjoy the short commute and get a doula to run interference during delivery. That said, if you aren’t feeling good about the next visit, and if there’s an option to switch to another hospital in the middle between suggested-and-far-away and close-but-no-fun, I’d suggest that. In pregnancy 1, we were 3 minutes from the hospital and I stayed home the first 16 hours of 24 hours of labor, which was nice, so being close is worth something for sure.

  13. jennie overbey November 17, 2012 at 5:13 am #

    I’m so glad your at an OB and things are going so well! Hang in there love! Hope you guys are pod casting tomorrow because I miss ya’ll! Love to be on the show anytime. Hope you feel better soon.

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