Relief

The past few days have been a delicate dance between trying to stay connected to this pregnancy while also trying not to drive myself insane. I found the best way to do so was to unplug a little, so that’s why I’ve been light on posting.

But, we finally had another ultrasound this morning. I’ve been continuing to have the brown spotting all the time. All different shades of brown, with lots of unpleasant clot-like material mixed in. It was discouraging and upsetting, to say the least. And yet, the nausea has persisted, along with the occasional round of vomiting (including this morning in the shower – a first!).

Both my fears and hopes were proved right today. They inserted the wand and immediately found baby’s heartbeat. Everyone in the room collectively breathed a giant sigh of relief. There’s still a live baby in there! The other sac remained very empty looking. There looked to be some sort of “debris” in there but nothing measurable. My RE is officially calling it a vanishing twin but he is very hopeful for the baby we do have.

After he left, we got to actually hear the heartbeat pounding away in there! 147 bpm. It was beautiful and magical and surreal. That’s your baby’s heartbeat! the u/s tech (slash my favorite person at the clinic) said. The little guy was measuring right on track, 7 weeks 0 days (I’m 7 weeks 2 days but they didn’t seem concerned by that).

I still have a small hematoma and the other sac is “getting reabsorbed” so my spotting days are not over yet. I’m okay with it for now. We got more pictures this time, including the one with the heartbeat’s squiggly lines. I’ll probably start working on that separate page soon… maybe. I’m definitely feeling after today more confident in this pregnancy but still too scared to really trust it.

My next ultrasound is next Wednesday at 8 weeks 4 days, at which point they’ll be passing me off to an OB. They think I’ll have about two more weeks left on the estradiol pills and progesterone injections. This is starting to get really real.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go pay further tribute to the porcelain goddess. That is if Hurricane Sandy doesn’t blow us away first.