Limbo continues

22 Oct

I’m not feeling particularly pithy so I’ll keep this to the point. They only found one heartbeat on what we were calling “Baby B.”
“Baby A”‘s sac was looking pretty empty. They’re preparing us for a vanishing twin but say it’s still possible we’ll see a heartbeat on A at my next ultrasound, still scheduled right now for Monday the 29th.

It was a weird ultrasound. It wasn’t the joyous one I was expecting when I saw my own child’s heart beating for the first and possibly only time. It was, there’s a heartbeat, yes, but where’s the other one. And there was lots of other “stuff” in there that scared me. Basically, lots of fluid… blood, I guess. Looked like dark spots on the screen, many more than last time. They said it’s possible the sac of Baby A is breaking up and starting to come out.

My biggest fear right now is obviously losing the one baby we do clearly have. As sad as I am to think of losing A, the whole point here is to get a baby. Two is a a huge blessing, obviously, but also much riskier. We’re honestly fine with one… as long as we can definitely get that one. It kills me to think of losing B now that I’ve seen that precious and rare little flicker.

Anyone out there with experience in this special little arena of loss who can give some advice/share some wisdom?

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28 Responses to “Limbo continues”

  1. Joanna October 22, 2012 at 5:51 pm #

    I can’t offer up any advice on this particular situation but I just wanted to send my love and hugs and to let you know that I’m thinking of you friend. I am happy for the heartbeat of baby B, but so very sorry for you about baby A. Let us know updates when you can. (((Hugs)))

  2. theyellowblanket October 22, 2012 at 6:07 pm #

    Thinking of you, Shelley!!!

  3. Hattie October 22, 2012 at 6:11 pm #

    So happy that you got good news on “Baby B”. I wish it was good news all around though. Lots of luck as you keep moving forward. Hope you get answers soon. The ones you want!

  4. Cristy October 22, 2012 at 6:12 pm #

    Damnit. All I wanted for you was a great first ultrasound. Not this. I’m so glad you saw a heartbeat from Baby B, but I’m also so sad to hear about the blood and the news of Baby A. I’m thinking of you and holding you tight.

  5. sams October 22, 2012 at 6:14 pm #

    I have no advice to offer but please know I’m praying for your babies and sending you great big virtual hugs!

  6. Courtney October 22, 2012 at 6:15 pm #

    Hi. I’m sorry to hear this.

    I lost a twin too – very early and before your stage – but it was still very hard. We found out at our 6w4d ultrasound that we had one strong one, and one degenerating sac. Ugh. It is so hard, but you are right – the goal is for a BABY. A singleton pregnancy is so much easier than a twin pregnancy. That’s what kept me upbeat. And you know what? I think every day about how I would not have been able to focus so much time on Matthew had our baby b made it. We would have loved our lives with twins, but man – I love having just one baby to snuggle all the time!

    This brings back pain for me – and I’m near tears for you. But I can honestly tell you that it’s going to be OK. Focus on your Baby B and love it right now – because it is sticking around!

  7. No Baby Ruth October 22, 2012 at 6:17 pm #

    I’m a new reader but wanted to say I’m thinking of you. That’s wonderful that you got good news on Baby B. I understand how conflicted your emotions are, though. I had a vanishing twin early on and at the time a friend told me that it’s like a birthday party and a funeral in the same room. It’s so true. Honor both sides of the room – the grief over losing one and the joy over getting over another big milestone (heartbeat!!!) with the other.

  8. Sarah October 22, 2012 at 7:24 pm #

    I can’t offer advice, but I will offer hope and prayers and send you some virtual hugs!

  9. sass October 22, 2012 at 8:04 pm #

    I’m sorry 😦 I can’t think of anyone to send your way at the moment, but if someone comes to mind I’ll let you know. I do know of others who have lost a twin a bit further along in a pregnancy and everything turned out to be fine in the end. Hang in there. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.

  10. B. just cycling along October 22, 2012 at 8:29 pm #

    I have no advice, just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.

  11. steph50 October 22, 2012 at 9:05 pm #

    Hang on, little B!! Still sending good vibes your way!!

  12. eighteenyears October 22, 2012 at 9:51 pm #

    Good thoughts for you and your little one.

  13. Keisha October 22, 2012 at 10:18 pm #

    I’m glad to hear that B has a heartbeat, but sad that A is struggling. Was the Dr. at all concerned about all of the fluid you saw on the ultrasound?
    Limbo sucks. But hold on to that heartbeat that you saw. I’m thinking of you all. Reach out if you need to talk.

  14. Jenny October 22, 2012 at 11:00 pm #

    I wish I had a helpful anecdote to share with you, but I don’t. I’m sorry you’re facing more stress and uncertainty. Sending you lots of good thoughts. *hugs*

  15. road2ourbaby October 22, 2012 at 11:14 pm #

    I’m so sorry about the potential vanishing twin, but I’m glad that Baby B looks good!

    I have no experience with losing a twin, but I do know how scary it is to see blood/dark spots on a sonogram. I have a bleed that at 8w3d looked like it was outlining one whole side of the gestational sac. It’s terrifying, but I just have to hope that everything is going okay in there, and that the bleed resolves itself, as they told me most do.

    Best of luck. I’m rooting for you. 🙂

  16. Lisa @ hapahopes October 22, 2012 at 11:42 pm #

    Thinking of you, Shelley. Rooting for little B!

  17. cindysn October 22, 2012 at 11:45 pm #

    I don’t have any advice but glad you saw a strong heartbeat!!!

  18. Lisa October 23, 2012 at 12:56 am #

    Why can it never be easy? I’m thrilled you saw a heartbeat, but sorry that you only saw one. Thinking of you.

  19. Theresa October 23, 2012 at 1:38 am #

    Hang on baby B!!! So sorry things aren’t looking good with Baby A. 😦 Heres hoping for good news Monday

  20. cassiedash October 23, 2012 at 3:51 am #

    Yay for there being one heartbeat, but I’m so sorry there weren’t two. I can only imagine how hard, sad, and scary it is to be in your position right now. Hang in there. And grow, B, grow!

  21. marwil October 23, 2012 at 1:12 pm #

    Oh crap, why can’t it be easy. So sorry this is happening.

  22. Karaleen October 23, 2012 at 4:12 pm #

    I’m so very sorry you are still in limbo. it toally sucks. I was stuck there for several weeks with my last pregnancy. But all turned out well. I will pray your little baby B continues to do well and your uterus clears out what it needs to. Hugs.
    kd

  23. EmilyE October 23, 2012 at 4:52 pm #

    Shelley, hugs and more hugs. Limbo is awful. I am sending all my positive thoughts to you, Baby A, and Baby B.

  24. Geochick October 23, 2012 at 6:46 pm #

    I hope that you’re out of limbo soon and know what exactly happened.

  25. Amanda (http://readingeachpage.blogspot.com/) October 23, 2012 at 7:54 pm #

    I am so sorry about Baby A. I have a friend who lost one of her twins, but gave birth to a healthy baby boy last March and an employee who lost one of her twins, but gave birth to a girl who is now an adorable, healthy 11 year old, so it is, sadly, common, and can have a somewhat positive outcome. Stick around Baby B!

  26. Trisha October 24, 2012 at 4:50 am #

    Oh Shelly, I’m sorry you are stuck in this place. Why can’t anything ever be easy? I’m still holding out hope for all three of you.

  27. Alissa October 25, 2012 at 1:34 am #

    I’m sorry to hear about baby A. I know that you were excited for both and it’s hard to lose anything at all. I will put all good things out into the world and pray baby B stays strong through it all. Hang in there and know we are here with you. Much love.

  28. Alicia October 26, 2012 at 3:24 pm #

    I’m so sorry. Hugs.

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