The maybe game

16 Oct

Hope and despair. These two have been plaguing me all day.

The spotting has continued. No worse, no better. It’s been a solid week now with no change. Exactly like my blighted ovum miscarriage. So with that, I fall into the rabbit hole of despair. Of thinking, no, knowing, that this whole thing is doomed.

But then today, nausea found me. I mean, really found me, to the point where I thought I might have to find a bag in the car on the way home. Maybe, just maybe, this is going to work out.

Maybe the placenta is low (isn’t it early for that?). Maybe my uterus is pushing out old blood from implantation (this much though?). Maybe it’s just such an awesomely strong pregnancy it can’t help but give off some blood (ha, you wish!).

So many miscarriages start like this (and so do so many successful pregnancies!). Not any of your pregnancies (this time is different! It could be twins! Spotting is even more common in twin pregnancies). Let me guess, next you’re going to say it could be the case of a vanishing twin! (Yes!) No, darling. Just… no.

On and on. All day.

Anyways. Tomorrow we find out and this blog can maybe stop being all about “Am I or aren’t I?”

1 day til beta

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16 Responses to “The maybe game”

  1. Kate @ Infertile First Mom October 16, 2012 at 11:29 pm #

    What a cruel game… With your own heart as the pawn. I am hoping and praying and crossing everything for good news tomorrow.

  2. Amanda (http://readingeachpage.blogspot.com/) October 16, 2012 at 11:48 pm #

    I hope you have wonderful news tomorrow. I have my fingers crossed.

  3. Cristy October 16, 2012 at 11:52 pm #

    Breathe and distract. That is tonight’s goal. Hoping for tomorrow. Much love.

  4. steph50 October 16, 2012 at 11:56 pm #

    It’s completely normal that you’re feeling like this… Hang in there!

  5. Jenny October 17, 2012 at 12:29 am #

    Sending you lots of good thoughts for tomorrow. *hugs*

  6. Sarah October 17, 2012 at 12:41 am #

    get out of the rabbit hole….those things are dangerous!!! I’m hoping for the best news and for you to be able to take a deep breath and relax for a while….

  7. sams October 17, 2012 at 1:25 am #

    If you are in Alice’s rabbit hole, that might not be so bad. 😉 Praying for you and looking forward to hearing good news in your next post. I feel like I want this for you just as much as you do! (wiping tears away)

    *GREAT BIG HUGS TO YOU*

  8. Theresa October 17, 2012 at 1:39 am #

    Fingers crossed for good news tomorrow!!

  9. Alicia October 17, 2012 at 1:55 am #

    Good luck tomorrow! Thinking of you. Hugs.

  10. Courtney October 17, 2012 at 2:21 am #

    For what it’s worth – I think you’re getting great news tomorrow! Best of luck!

  11. Lisa October 17, 2012 at 2:32 am #

    Best wishes tomorrow! I really hope that you get clear answers tomorrow. The maybe game sucks.

  12. chon October 17, 2012 at 8:48 am #

    One more sleep!

  13. B. just cycling along October 17, 2012 at 11:34 am #

    It’s officially Wednesday! Thinking of you and wishing you so much luck!!

  14. Joanna October 17, 2012 at 2:14 pm #

    I know this game all to well, and it sucks!!! Still holding out hope that the spotting is a good sign! Big big hugs!!

  15. infertilitydoessuck October 17, 2012 at 2:34 pm #

    crossing my fingers and toes!!!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Things I want to remember « tales from the waiting room - December 26, 2012

    […] been living this pregnancy with one eye closed. Waiting anxiously for the next blow to fall. And blows there have […]

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