5 Weeks

13 Oct

Today I am five weeks pregnant. Small victories. I’ll take them where I can get them and celebrate them when they come. Who knows if I’ll be celebrating the next milestone one week from today.

I am surviving. But yesterday was a tough day. The spotting seemed to go from a watery light brown staining when I wiped to more of a brown mucous. It’s still not enough to make it down to my underwear or warrant a pantyliner but it’s enough to thoroughly freak me out. I called my RE’s office. I knew what they would say but I just wanted to talk to a different nurse and get her take on everything.

As expected, they said not to worry, that it could just be some old blood making its way out. They said to only worry if it was accompanied by pain or bright red bleeding. I asked what she thought of my numbers and she said they were fine. (Not exactly reassuring now that I think about it.) The news of this light spotting wasn’t enough to make her think we needed to do any testing any earlier. We’re sticking to the Wednesday beta. I guess this was a relief in some ways. She said, “These kids, they start us worrying right from the very beginning.”

I did get to acupuncture yesterday, which turned out to be both physically and mentally relaxing. I felt like I was proactively doing something to keep this pregnancy. I’m going back on Monday. Then I’ll see what my beta is before making any more appointments. But it did seem like the spotting lightened up a bit after acu.

I wish I had more symptoms. It’s crazy how much I’m craving nausea, considering the fact that I think I have a legit phobia of throwing up. But right now, even throwing up sounds like a good time to me. I have a few light moments of it, especially right before or right after eating. I’m also waking up thirsty, with a dry, parched mouth. I’ve heard this is a symptom for some people.

I don’t know. I just don’t know. This brown spotting thing is exactly what happened with my first miscarriage. The numbers looked good but I always had this persistent light brown spotting, from when I took the pregnancy test on. It never went away. It continued until the ultrasound when they couldn’t find the heartbeat. And then I had a D&C.

I hope this time is different. I really do. Only time will tell.

4 days til beta!


24 Responses to “5 Weeks”

  1. B: JustcyclingAlong October 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm #

    Ugh it is such a scary time. And I can’t believe your nurse said “fine” too – these people need some thesauruses handed out and maybe a manual for dealing with people going through this horrible beta time!

    Other than that, we sound in really similar spaces. I have had NO symptoms and of course, that freaks me out too. However, every morning I also wake up incredibly parched and dry mouthed. So much so that sometimes I can’t go back to sleep because it bothers me so much. So hopefully it really is a pregnancy sign!

    Wednesday is a big day for both of us. Fingers crossed we both get amazing news!!

    • Tami October 13, 2012 at 5:33 pm #

      I was thinking about how both your nurses used the word “fine” this week. I think that word should universally be be taken out of the nurse vocab due to the fact it may lead to patient psychosis.

      • Shelley October 13, 2012 at 5:39 pm #

        Right?! What a shit word.

    • Shelley October 13, 2012 at 5:40 pm #

      Fingers are so crossed. I don’t want this ride to end for either of us!

  2. Keisha October 13, 2012 at 1:17 pm #

    Every pregnancy is different. Just try to remember that it doesn’t always mean the same thing; maybe the spotting the first time didn’t even have anything to do with the miscarriage.
    Wednesday seems impossibly far away. Take it one day at a time and know that there are many people rooting for you and sending lots of positive thoughts.

    • Shelley October 13, 2012 at 2:47 pm #

      A very good point, Keisha! Thank you so much, that really made me stop and think.

  3. Cristy October 13, 2012 at 2:45 pm #

    Here if you need to talk. In the meantime, I’m thinking of you and chanting “GROW” on this end.

  4. The Benda Family October 13, 2012 at 3:38 pm #

    I didn’t experience morning sickness once, and as annoying as it sounds to those who did, I was disappointed!! I’m 19 weeks now. Baby B has been really good to mommy, so far (apart from my constant heartburn).

    I’m so happy for you. Hang in there! The spotting will stop, and so will your worrying.

    D x

    • Shelley October 13, 2012 at 5:38 pm #

      I so so hope you’re right Danielle!

  5. Sarah October 13, 2012 at 5:26 pm #

    I had zero symptoms when I was pregnant with my daughter, but I had super sensitive nose with my early miscarriage…go figure…I’m hoping and praying over here for you!

    • Shelley October 13, 2012 at 5:39 pm #

      Thanks Sarah! Your comments always cheer me up!

  6. Tami October 13, 2012 at 5:38 pm #

    We are just days apart and I don’t have any symptoms either. None. Except maybe ultra clear skin, but that could just be my new cleanser. 🙂

    These are emotionally fragile days. What has helped me (slightly) is just repeating to myself that this pregnancy is NOT my others. It is wholly and uniquely different. And with that, it *can* have a different outcome.

    • Shelley October 13, 2012 at 9:05 pm #

      I sure, sure hope so.

  7. Courtney October 13, 2012 at 5:50 pm #

    I had no symptoms at all early on with my son. NONE. I was so disappointed! All we want this early is a sign that things are still moving along, I know. But, before you know it, you’ll have sore (and huge) boobs and if you’re like me, debilitating heartburn (and a good thing about bad heartburn is that you can’t eat much, so gain only the weight that the pregnancy really needs. See? Positive thinking at it’s finest!). Ha!

    Your symptoms are coming…. They’re just around the corner!

    • Shelley October 13, 2012 at 8:58 pm #

      I so hope you’re right! Thank you so much for your comments, they help so much!!

  8. Kristin October 13, 2012 at 7:16 pm #

    Spotting is so scary. I’m sending lots of positive thoughts you way.

  9. Keiko October 13, 2012 at 7:52 pm #

    I totally didn’t realize that your FET was just 2 days before my ET. Thinking lots of good thoughts for you as you progress. *hug*

    • Shelley October 13, 2012 at 8:56 pm #

      I know – so close! But it feels farther b/c I tested early and your clinic waits FOREVER for beta #1. But yes – we’re close. Thank you so much for your kind words and for thinking of me. I’m thinking of you too!

  10. Aplatanada October 13, 2012 at 11:09 pm #

    Congrats on making it another day! Today, you are pregnant! 🙂 Sending some strong burrowing vibes to those embies.

  11. Jenny October 14, 2012 at 1:34 am #

    It seems like there a lot of us who are only a few days apart in our pregnancies. I think I’m about three days behind you, and I haven’t experienced many symptoms yet, either. I also had brown spotting for a couple of days, and mine actually did make it to the pantyliner. I know everyone says that brown is nothing to worry about, but any type of spotting is scary. Even though mine stopped several days ago, I still find myself running to the bathroom every hour or so to make sure it hasn’t returned. Maddening.

    I’m keeping you and baby(ies) in my thoughts. I hope the spotting stops soon and that the beta on Wednesday gives you the reassurance you need. *hugs*

  12. sams October 15, 2012 at 2:06 pm #

    Did you mention to any of the nurses that this spotting was exactly what you experienced before your last m/c? If not, it might not hurt to call back and explain that to someone. Maybe then they would let you in for an earlier beta? My RE’s office only let me have two betas – one to confirm I am pregnant and the second to confirm my numbers are rising appropriately. I don’t go back again until my first fetal u/s and I’m terrified they won’t be able to find a heartbeat(s). I’ll be thinking of you and praying for a good appointment on Wednesday!

    • Shelley October 15, 2012 at 2:12 pm #

      I honestly can’t remember if I mentioned that specifically. But honestly, at this point even if they did let me in early, my beta wouldn’t be until tomorrow (Tuesday), just one day before and it’s probably better to have it later to tell more of a complete picture anyways. If they’re going down or going up, better to be able to see that more clearly so I don’t have to have yet another beta. Ugh I am sick over this. Really truly terrified today.

  13. Alissa October 16, 2012 at 6:07 am #

    Three things – thirst was my first symptom. I had NO morning sickness with eith pregnancy and I am 28 weeks…and if you need something positive to relax to, I can send you Circle + Bloom pregnancy CD’s. There is one track for each trimester (about 20 mins each) and it did seem to help me calm down. If you would like me to send you a copy, e-mail me!

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