6 Oct

I think I really allowed hope to take hold after the spotting tapered off, by midday on Thursday. I’m not sure why but it was so light and so short and then gone, really truly gone. It seemed like a good sign.

I went out yesterday and paid $40 for one pack of FRERs and one of ClearBlue Digis. Ridiculous.Β This is why I don’t buy these things.Β I was so tempted to test yesterday. So, so tempted. But I avoided it. I wanted to do it with DH and we had agreed on Saturday.

I woke up at 5 a.m., needing to pee and completely restless. I tried to fall back asleep but it was impossible. So I rolled over and whispered to DH, “I have to pee.” And we both got up immediately and went to the bathroom.

I peed in the cup. We dipped the stick for 20 seconds. Then we set it down on the counter and walked away. “Don’t look at it,” I said. We set a timer on DH’s phone and went and laid down together in the guest room while we waited. Those might have been the longest four minutes of my life.

I wanted DH to go back in the bathroom and look at the stick but he wanted to do it together. So we rose, grabbed hands and walked back in, eyes closed. And then we opened our eyes and both looked.


I hate to use the clichedΒ I’m in complete shock, but I was. There’s two lines on there, he said. Yep. There are. Am I dreaming? We did wake up and this is real right now, right?

So then of course I had to grab the digital.


I honestly never thought this would really happen for us. Of course the shock was immediately followed but terror because, we’ve been down this road before. Twice. And yet we still have exactly zero babies in our arms. We’re not naive. We know this is but one small victory in a string of battles ahead. We’ve far, far from won the war.

(I can’t believe this is me writing this post right now. )

But for right now, for today, I am pregnant. Nine days ago, I had an embryo transfer. And today I woke up and got a BFP. And that’s enough to give me more joy and hope than I think I’ve ever had. So damn it, I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts.


I did call my RE’s office to see if I could come in early for my beta. Of course, since it’s Saturday, they didn’t answer. I left a message but they haven’t returned it. I can’t decide if I should call the doctor on call or not.

See the issue is, my beta was moved from Monday to Tuesday, because of Columbus Day. (Yeah, I would’ve been freaking out about that way more if I didn’t know I was going to test today anyways.) But now, the thought of sitting on this until Tuesday without a number to hang onto is almost unbearable. Ideally, today would be the first beta and Tuesday would be the second.

But I may just have to wait and see.


Holy shit.

77 Responses to “9dp5dt”

  1. kate October 6, 2012 at 1:20 pm #

    So so happy for you!

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:00 pm #

      Thank you so much Kate! I’m continuing to keep your little one in mind.

  2. Lisa October 6, 2012 at 1:41 pm #

    Holy crap lady, that first line is DARK! Congratulations!!! I know, we still worry. I’m dying to find out my repeat beta tomorrow. But this is looking really good! Thinking really happy and positive thoughts for your betas! I hope you can get in sooner than Tuesday. That’s a terribly long and cruel wait for your first test.

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:01 pm #

      Thank you, Lisa! We’re just two days apart in our cycling – so crazy! I can’t wait to see what your repeat beta will be. Fingers crossed for flying colors! πŸ™‚ They are letting me come in Monday after all. So a little bit shorter of a wait, but not much!

  3. Lydia October 6, 2012 at 1:45 pm #

    Congratulations!!! Such wonderful news for 5am on a Saturday morning.

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:02 pm #

      Thank you Lydia! πŸ™‚

  4. B. just cycling along October 6, 2012 at 1:50 pm #

    Yaaaaaaaaaay! So happy for you! And that is a nice dark positive too! Congratulations!

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:03 pm #

      !!!! Thank you! Can’t wait to hear the results of your final beta on Monday.

  5. Lisa @ hapahopes October 6, 2012 at 1:55 pm #

    AHHH!!! And that’s a WHAMO positive too! No squinters there! YAY! Congrats, dearie!

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:04 pm #

      Haha, whamo. Thank you Lisa! Hoping you’re right behind me… πŸ™‚

  6. Keisha October 6, 2012 at 2:18 pm #

    After reading your TCOYF update, I came here. Seeing your positive tests made me tear up. I’m so happy for you, friend.

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:04 pm #

      xoxox K.

  7. storkchaser October 6, 2012 at 2:21 pm #

    Oh congrats!!!! I just knew you were going to get your BFP! I’m so thrilled for you and I think it’s wonderful you are choosing to Be happy and excited about it. Can’t wait for your numbers. That was a very dark second Line and it takes a lot of HCG to get the digi to say pregnant!!!!! πŸ™‚

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:05 pm #

      Your comment made me sooo happy when I read it this morning. I didn’t know that about digis! If I did, I might not have used it!! πŸ™‚

      • storkchaser October 6, 2012 at 11:23 pm #

        yeah when you wrote about getting the digis, I was like…”uhhh…” but then it was fine!!!! πŸ™‚ I’m glad I made you smile. :):)

  8. Hattie October 6, 2012 at 2:56 pm #

    What a beautiful sight! Congrats and try to stay calm until your beta!

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:05 pm #

      Thank you Hattie – I’ll try!!

  9. Joanna October 6, 2012 at 3:10 pm #

    I am in tears! So so happy for you friend! You deserve this so much!!!! Xoxo

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:06 pm #

      Oh Jo, thank you so much. I miss you! Please drop me a line and let me know how you’re doing these days. xo

  10. Jenny October 6, 2012 at 3:29 pm #

    That it is a gorgeous second line! A huge smile lit up my face as soon as I saw that picture. Congratulations!!!

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:07 pm #

      Thanks Jenny! I’ve got my eye on your tests too. What an exciting time!

  11. Katie October 6, 2012 at 3:39 pm #

    What a great looking line! Yeah!

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:07 pm #

      Thanks Katie! Hope you’re feeling better…

  12. Tracy October 6, 2012 at 3:53 pm #

    Holy SHIT! This is AMAZEBALLS!! Everything is crossed for an amazing beta number for you right now… Just hang on till Tuesday!!

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:08 pm #

      Tracy!! Thank you so much. Luckily, I’ll only have to wait until Monday now!

  13. sams October 6, 2012 at 3:53 pm #

    Woo hoo! Congratulations! I love seeing two pink lines on other peoples’ blogs. It gives me so much hope that maybe, just maybe, it can happen to me too.

    I hope you get to enjoy this for the next 9 months. Praying for you! XO

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:09 pm #

      Thank you sams! I am hoping for you!!

  14. Amy Simpkins October 6, 2012 at 4:05 pm #

    I am in tears, my friend. Words can’t express how completely ecstatic I am for you. All of my love and hope is with you and your little bean(s). Please let me know how I can support you!!!

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:10 pm #

      Amy your support over the years has meant the world. Please just continue to send good thoughts – we have such a long journey ahead. Lots of love πŸ™‚ xox

      • Amy Simpkins October 6, 2012 at 11:43 pm #

        I can’t stop looking at your tests. How can a pink line be so beautiful?

  15. EmHart October 6, 2012 at 4:09 pm #

    Congratulations, that is fantastic fantastic news. Those are some mighty pretty sticks!

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:10 pm #

      Thank you so much Em!

  16. Cristy October 6, 2012 at 4:10 pm #

    WEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! I just woke up and saw this post. Congratulations lady!!!! Today, you are pregnant. Take it easy today and fingers are crossed for a great first beta!!!

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:15 pm #

      Thanks Cristy. πŸ™‚ xoxo

  17. sass October 6, 2012 at 4:12 pm #

    Oh thank goodness! You gave me such a reason to smile today. Congratulations!!! I hope that you don’t worry about beta and do something fun to celebrate each day this weekend. Your beta on Tuesday will be fantastic, I just know it. (My doctor didn’t do a second beta. After the first we had to wait until ultrasound to see how things were progressing.)

    Yay. Just yay. I am so so happy for you.

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:16 pm #

      Thanks sass! Trying very hard to take it one step at a time. It’s impossible not to wonder what the number is but I know that even when I know that number, then it’s waiting for the second, then the third. Then the ultrasound. On and on. So might as well enjoy it while I can!

  18. Madventures October 6, 2012 at 4:20 pm #

    You are pregnant! you deserve this!

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:17 pm #

      Thanks Megan, hope all is well! xx

  19. Alicia October 6, 2012 at 4:23 pm #

    Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is such a great Saturday morning post!!!!!

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:17 pm #

      :):) Thanks Alicia!

  20. Jenn October 6, 2012 at 4:28 pm #

    AHHH! Congratulations lady! Two beautiful pink lines πŸ™‚

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:19 pm #

      Thanks so much Jenn!

  21. slese1014 October 6, 2012 at 4:38 pm #

    Congrats!!! I admit I’m terribly jealous, but wish you fabulous beta numbers & a happy health full term pregnancy!

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:21 pm #

      Thank you so much. I know the feeling of seeing others BFPs so well and it’s not always nice. I am hoping it won’t always be this way for either of us.

  22. steph50 October 6, 2012 at 4:52 pm #

    Congratulations!!! πŸ™‚

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:21 pm #


  23. Theresa October 6, 2012 at 6:19 pm #

    That top test looked like mine!! You are so pregnant! Yippee!!

  24. Theresa October 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm #

    Did you transfer one or two? I can’t remember.

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 6:33 pm #

      Two! πŸ™‚

      • Theresa October 7, 2012 at 10:27 pm #

        AH! I wonder if you are having twins too!

  25. Alissa October 6, 2012 at 7:37 pm #

    OH SHELLEY! I am so close to crying right now. You made my day!!!! I am beyond happy and thrilled for you and DH. I know you have a long ways to go, but what a wonderful gift. I am just ready to do cartwheels over here! WHEEEEE! HUGE HUGS!

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:21 pm #


  26. talesofacautiousoptimist October 6, 2012 at 8:25 pm #

    SO SO happy for you! Congrats on your BFP!!!!!!!! πŸ™‚

    • Shelley October 6, 2012 at 9:21 pm #

      Thanks so so much! πŸ™‚

  27. Amy October 6, 2012 at 9:39 pm #

    Wonderful news Shelley! I was hoping I would see this post from you in the next day or two! Congratulations on such a nice dark line!

    • Shelley October 7, 2012 at 11:31 am #

      Thanks Amy!

  28. pcosbarrenness October 6, 2012 at 10:27 pm #


    • infertilitydoessuck October 6, 2012 at 10:58 pm #

      That is amazing news!!!! Congrats!!!!

    • Shelley October 7, 2012 at 11:31 am #

      Thanks!! πŸ™‚

  29. Her Royal Fabulousness October 7, 2012 at 12:24 am #

    OMG congrats!!

    • Shelley October 7, 2012 at 11:32 am #

      Thanks R!

  30. Gina October 7, 2012 at 12:29 am #

    When I woke up this morning the first thing I thought of was you. Those are some pretty awesome (and dark) lines! And I love how you had to use the digital test too! Nice pee job there, girl! Congrats! Congrats!

    • Shelley October 7, 2012 at 11:33 am #

      Thank you Gina. I really didn’t have too much faith that a FET could work for me, or IVF at all. At least this give that back to me, however this ends up. I am keeping EVERYTHING crossed for your FET!!!

  31. theyellowblanket October 7, 2012 at 12:50 am #

    Yaaaaay, Shelley! That’s so awesome! I will keep you in my thoughts!

  32. Sunshine October 7, 2012 at 1:26 am #

    So funny. I bought those exact two tests too! I am waiting until tomorrow for my digital. I guess 5am is the lucky time for today! So happy for you. We will walk the road together.

  33. MrsBun October 7, 2012 at 4:57 am #

    So, so excited for you!! Congratulations! Praying for a sticky, sticky baby! xox

    • Shelley October 7, 2012 at 11:33 am #

      Thank you, Mrs. Bun! I am too!! πŸ™‚

  34. Kate @ Infertile First Mom October 7, 2012 at 12:26 pm #

    What a beautiful sight! I teared up picturing you and your husband holding hands and looking at the same time… And seeing that you are pregnant! I am so happy for you:) Enjoy this. Go celebrate!!!!

    • Shelley October 8, 2012 at 12:45 pm #

      Thank you so much Kate! It was a special moment. I’m glad he insisted on doing it together.

  35. Trisha October 8, 2012 at 1:20 am #

    Lurker here popping in to say congratulations! Wonderful news and I can’t wait to hear your beta!

    • Shelley October 8, 2012 at 12:47 pm #

      Nice to hear from you Trisha, thank you so much! I’m a long time reader of your blog. πŸ™‚

      • Trisha October 9, 2012 at 1:47 am #

        I’ve been stalking you on bitter infertiles too πŸ˜‰ Actually listening to the last podcast right now. I feel like I know the future now lol

  36. jjiraffe October 8, 2012 at 7:02 am #

    Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited for you! I swear my heart skipped a beat when I started to read this post πŸ™‚

    • Shelley October 8, 2012 at 12:48 pm #

      πŸ™‚ Thank you Jess!

  37. Kristin October 8, 2012 at 4:32 pm #

    Look at those beautiful lines! Lovely! Congratulations!

  38. Lindsay October 8, 2012 at 11:58 pm #

    Holy crap!!!! Awesome line!!!! So excited for you!!!!

  39. nonsequiturchica October 9, 2012 at 6:37 pm #

    Congratulations!! What wonderful news!

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