Let’s talk testing

26 Jul

Every infertile knows the dilemma well: to test or not to test?

Likewise, most of us have our own policies on the matter. Some of us are obsessed with peeing on sticks. I used to be pretty into it myself, in my early days of TTC. But despite the fact that I have three tattoos (including one on my head!), I’m actually not a fan of self torture. Time after time of seeing those snowy white BFNs left me jaded.

Like really though, so jaded that a part of me really believes that the very act of taking a HPT will make me not pregnant (because of course it will be negative, it always is, and once you get a BFN, you’re not so likely to get a BFP, so therefore you’re not pregnant and it’s over).

Crazy, I know.

That said, I don’t judge others who test early and often. In fact, as a blog reader, it’s much more interesting than those of us who prefer to wait. I wish I could provide you, dear readers, with that sort of entertainment but unfortunately, I just can’t.

This is all to say though, I have been tempted of late. Why? I’m feeling things. Twinges, fullness, cramps. A brief wave of light nausea before lunch today. Weepiness like whoa. I cried this morning while listening to a This American Life episode about amusement parks. Amusement parks! It wasn’t even sad crying. I was just so touched by how happy the people sounded. And I’ve been up like clockwork every night to pee, even though before my retrieval, I never peed during the night.

Every single one of these things can be explained away by the progesterone, by the side effects of my stimulation and the retrieval. By my general emotional state. But still I have this firm little bubble of liquid hope stubbornly lodged in my chest that refuses to budge, despite any measure of “logic.”

I whispered to DH after my first PEO shot last night (which went well, BTW! We put an ice pack on the area beforehand so I literally felt NOTHING when the needle went in!) that I think this is going to work. Me too, he said.

The idea that you’d rather find out on your own terms, when and where you want (preferably in the privacy of your own home), I totally get and agree with. And I’m also tempted by the fact that DH will be out of town when the results come in. Hypothetically, we could test together on Sunday morning (at 8dp5dt) before my parents come.

But see, testing scares me shitless. I don’t want to ruin this. I don’t want to get murky results and worry. I’d rather know my blood test was negative than see a BFN because at least then I won’t wonder.

So yeah, I’m kind of torn. But I’m leaning toward waiting. I don’t have any HPTs in my house so it would take a lot for me to run out and spend the money on one.

What do you think? What’s your general policy on testing? 

Advertisements

20 Responses to “Let’s talk testing”

  1. Katie July 26, 2012 at 5:50 pm #

    I used to test early and often, but last few cycles I was able to hold out to about 12 dpiui. It is so hard! I always have to know though before the beta call! Your symptoms sound promising!

  2. MrsTypeA July 26, 2012 at 5:59 pm #

    hi! new reader/IF blogger here! i struggle with this too, but i’ve always ended up testing. my second pregnancy (M/C) i tested on 10/11DPO (femara cycle) and got BFP! the problem now is that i’ll expect to get a BFP on 10/11 DPO even though that’s early. i’m going to try to wait longer next 2ww though because every time i see a BFN i lose a little bit of hope! good luck and hope those symptoms are from implantation and not those annoying shots 🙂

  3. peas4ourpod July 26, 2012 at 6:11 pm #

    I used to test early, stopped doing so the last few IUIs before my IVF cycle b/c I hated seeing a BFN. I tested at 8dp5dt with my IVF cycle – couldn’t hold out… and got a BFP!! Good luck testing!!

  4. dopingforbaby July 26, 2012 at 6:27 pm #

    First IVF I tested early. Wanted to have some sort of control over the process. Second IVF I didn’t test early. I was in a better place mentally, so I was willing to give in to the process. Go with your gut. Either way will be awesome.

  5. Kristin July 26, 2012 at 6:32 pm #

    Well, you know where I stand on this one. Pee early and pee often. The way you described controlling the where and when of how you found out really resonated. There is so much of this process that we can’t control, but I do get to control when and how I find out. Best, best, best of luck!

    • MNO in Arlington August 21, 2012 at 1:56 pm #

      Great point! I never thought of it that way. I’m having a similar internal debate (beta is scheduled for 8/30 but 8dp5dt will be next tues). the idea of being home with DH to see the results together versus being at work when the call comes in is appealing, but then every other HPT has been negative so taking one feels like it would MAKE me have a BFN. the tricks our brains play on us….

  6. cassiedash July 26, 2012 at 6:50 pm #

    I’m the type of girl who likes to wait and wait…as long as I can. My policy is, if it’s going to be a BFN, I’d really rather just get my period than go through the agony of testing. If it’s going to be a BFP, then I like to see a DARK 2nd line. I don’t want to go through the disappointment of no line, only to see a line a few days later. For my last pregnancy, I waited until 18 dpo, at which point I was pretty sure I was indeed pregnant, and that line was dang dark. But you of course need to make the best decision for you…whatever will give you the most peace, I say go for that.

  7. b July 26, 2012 at 7:53 pm #

    I test early and often. For me, it softens the blow of my period coming and I feel it does give me some measure of control. I think there is no wrong answer though. Good luck; your symptoms sound promising!

  8. sass July 26, 2012 at 9:57 pm #

    My general policy is to do what works for you. It sounds like an early negative may cause you more stress than it’s worth, so maybe this cycle testing isn’t such a great thing. With our last IVF, I tested early and often, but I also really didn’t believe it would work. I just didn’t, and somehow the negative tests didn’t leave me devastated. Then when they began to turn positive I was really glad that we were finding out a few days before the beta. And, since I began spotting right after my beta, it did give me a few days to be just excited about everything. But that’s just my experience. I think that not only does it vary person-to-person, it could also change cycle-to-cycle. Whatever you do, we’ll be rooting for you!

  9. Ducky July 26, 2012 at 10:33 pm #

    No matter how many IVF cycles I do, I always have to test early and often. I have no willpower!

    ICLW #27

  10. Suzanne July 26, 2012 at 10:43 pm #

    Hi There … I actually had a transfer of 2 blasts (FET) on July 21st as well. I am now 5dp5dt and going to start testing tomorrow. I have done 2 previous IVF cycles and gotten 2 BFPs (1 stuck and the other didn’t). On the first cycle I got a BFP on 8dp5dt and on the second 7dp5dt using First Response. I am one who likes to manage my expectations and I find testing helps in that regard. Best of luck to you! I will be back to check on you.

    Take care,
    Suzanne

  11. Keisha July 27, 2012 at 1:35 am #

    Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you. With that last IUI, I was determined not to test before the beta. But then I just got too impatient and did it anyway. I had a million of those cheapie tests, so I just bit the bullet and went for it.
    It’s hard to be patient, especially when you are so hopeful. Hell, I want to test for you.
    For what it’s worth, I would never describe you as jaded. Throughout your entire TTC process, you have remained one of the most optimistic people I’ve known. I admire your optimism and your determination to be a mother.
    I’m keeping everything crossed for you, lady. Take care and keep updating!!

  12. road2ourbaby July 27, 2012 at 2:01 am #

    That’s tough. I know I used to be hesitant testing in a regular old month when the stakes weren’t high, so in this case, it’s much different. I can’t relate yet. Soon enough though.
    Good luck to you! 🙂

  13. Lisa July 27, 2012 at 3:23 am #

    In my experience, testing early always became a crazy mess. When lines weren’t darkening I drove myself mad. Next time my plan is to test the morning of my beta. That way I can find out on my own terms and get hard data within the same day. We’ll see if I stick to that. The 2ww is so hard!

  14. Alissa July 27, 2012 at 5:24 am #

    That’s a hard one. I go through this each time. Because your hubby is going out of town, I would say that testing early would be good. My husband was going out of town around my beta too and I couldn’t bear not having him with me, so I tested before he left and he was able to leave with good news. Even if your test seems negative, you could still get that positive beta after he leaves. It’s a hard call to make and if he was going to be in town, I would say to wait. Oh the torture!

  15. Lindsay July 27, 2012 at 12:23 pm #

    Ahhh..this is so tough but definitely a personal decision. I definitely become an obsessive “pee”er even when I tell myself I’m not going to!! You’re so close, hang in there!!!

  16. Andie July 28, 2012 at 12:24 am #

    I still pee. I know better, but I’ll start at day 8 and blow through 7-8 tests every cycle.

  17. Aly (@breathegently) July 28, 2012 at 3:07 am #

    I’m a chronic pee-er. I don’t know what to do this cycle – do it early for my sanity, or hold off and hope.

  18. Emily @ablanket2keep July 29, 2012 at 2:46 pm #

    I’m scared out of my mind to test too. I would rather just have my period show up and even skip the beta. Unfortunately if you are on progesterone that won’t happen.

    Hang in there hon. If you tested this morning I hope you got a wonderful surprise.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. 5dp5dt « tales from the waiting room - October 2, 2012

    […] there. Or, been permitted to stick. Whatever the issue may be. See I realized that the real reason I was against testing early last time was really because I didn’t want the fantasy to be over. You know the whole […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: