4dp5dt

25 Jul

So here I sit, 4dp5dt, and I have to say, I’m feeling pretty good today! (Sidenote: I like being post-transfer, makes thinking up blog post titles easy as pie.)

I’m not sure what it was about today but I woke up feeling the best I’ve felt in weeks. My weight was back down (had been up and feeling bloat-y yesterday), the sun was shining, the weather was cool, and my morning didn’t feel rushed. I actually had time to make bacon and eggs for hubby and I! Traffic was light, I listened to a great “Wait, Wait” podcast on the way in that had me LOL-ing, I came in to find an article I placed for one of my clients had run in an awesome outlet, and I just generally feel happy and good.

And positive. That this IS going to work. I’ve been having some light on and off cramping for the past two days and any time I feel it, it makes me happy. Burrow littlest ones, I think. Burrow, burrow, burrow deep. I’m visualizing beta day. I’m picturing going into the clinic, picking up my lab slip, going up to blood draw like it’s any other day, sitting down, feeling the pinch, releasing my fist, and watching my hcg-filled blood flow from my arm. I’m envisioning going into the office, trying my damnedest to focus, tucking my phone into my bra when I go to the bathroom so there’s NO WAY I miss the call. I’m seeing it ring. I’m seeing myself walking away from whatever I’m doing, going into the empty office space next door, my clinic nurse saying, “Are you ready?” And me saying, “Yes.”

And her saying, “Good news, your test was positive. You’re pregnant!” And me, “Oh my god, are you serious? What was the number.” “###.” “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.”

Of course I’ve also pictured the opposite scenario, but we all know how that goes. No need to envision that. For today, I’m feeling positive, and positive feels good. I’m gonna ride this as long as I can.

************

In other news, I’ve decided to switch from Crinone to injections. My clinic orders the progesterone in ethyl oleate (PEO) shots, because they’re supposedly smoother and easier than the ones in oil (PIO). It felt like a big decision, going from something “easy” like a suppository, back to daily shots, especially because they said once I switch, there’s no going back. And these aren’t cute little subcutaneous shots either, they’re the intramuscular ones. The big guns.

But Crinone makes me MISERABLE. It’s not just annoying for me, it’s itchy hell. It’s like a constant yeast infection. And one time I even got a real yeast infection from it. So after consulting Dr. Google, I decided a once-a-day shot, no matter how painful, is still better than constant irritation. The new meds should be waiting on my doorstep right now and we start tonight.

Also, when I found out DH would be away next week (including beta day), and considering the breakdown I had last time he went away DURING THIS CYCLE, I went ahead and did what I only thought absolutely necessary: I called my Mommy. And Daddy. (Okay I was using that for a writing effect, I don’t really call them Mommy and Daddy, just plain old Mom and Dad). Anyways, they’re coming up (it’s only a, oh, eight hour drive from where they live, no biggie) to be with me next week. My mom, fortunately, is a former nurse, so she can give me my shots. And they’ll just be there to help take care of the animals, help me around the house, be there for moral support, etc.

Of course this means they’ll be wanting to know the beta news right away. In fact, I’ll see them before I see DH (although I do plan to call him first before they know!). Part of me feels a bit nervous about them knowing so early but I’ve become very open with them about everything I’m going through (I am incapable, anyways, of hiding anything from them) and they’ve been incredibly supportive. And if we did get pregnant, and something happened, I’d be telling them that too anyways. So, they’ll be here. And they’ll know. I honestly think it’s better to have the support on that day, either way, than to go it alone.

************

There’s been a lot of bad news for my IVF cycle sisters this month, so despite my positivity and current optimism, I want to just take a second to acknowledge them and their losses. Please go lend them some support.
And for my dear friend A, from my online support group, who is facing a potential ectopic (her second) following IVF #1, all my love.
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13 Responses to “4dp5dt”

  1. trufflelove July 25, 2012 at 4:53 pm #

    I understand when you say you call your mom and dad when hubby is not home. I do the same! This wknd my hubbs will be out of town. I plan to spend the wknd spending the night at my parents 🙂

  2. dopingforbaby July 25, 2012 at 5:47 pm #

    Whoa, thank you for your kind words here. I am blown away by your compassion. I’m thrilled you’re feeling better! And the PIO is so much better than the suppository. Well, I didn’t love the shot, but I hated the slow drip of the suppository. Sorry if that’s gross. =-) Again, thanks for being awesome.

  3. Cristy July 25, 2012 at 6:24 pm #

    I’m so glad to see this post! All the signs are good and I’m incredibly optimistic for you!! And no shame in calling Mom and Dad. I think it’s great they will be there to support you!

    Thanks for the heads up about the others and I’m holding A in my heart today too.

  4. B July 25, 2012 at 6:57 pm #

    Glad you are feeling good! I totally understand about calling mom/dad. My husband travels a lot for work, so my sister and mom have come with me for HSGs and other things. It is nice to have family around for support!

    Good luck with the shots!

  5. Kate @ Infertile First Mom July 25, 2012 at 7:17 pm #

    I think it’s great that your parents will be there with you, so you don’t have to be alone when you get the news… Good or bad. Loving your positive attitude. Hope this week flies by for you, and that you find the shots easier to live with!

  6. Kristin July 25, 2012 at 7:21 pm #

    I’m with dopingforbaby. The suppositories are awful. Moving to an injection was a huge improvement and they weren’t a tenth of the a pain in the ass I thought they would be. Every pun intended.

  7. sass July 25, 2012 at 8:57 pm #

    I have so much hope for you, and how wonderful that your mom can be with you during this anxious wait, and do your shots no less! (I am with you on the crinone. It was uncomfortable, and gross.)

  8. DandelionBreeze July 25, 2012 at 10:56 pm #

    Thank you for your sweet thoughts. So glad to hear that you’re feeling peaceful and positive… love your visualization of a BFP 🙂 Great idea… cheering you on from Oz xoxo

  9. Theresa July 25, 2012 at 11:21 pm #

    Hi from ICLW! Fingers crossed for that beta phone call you are imagining! (and suck that DH will be out of town….)

  10. Katie July 26, 2012 at 1:18 am #

    I LOVE all the great positive things in this post! Keep ’em coming!

  11. danielletoendure July 26, 2012 at 2:47 am #

    yeah!!!!!!! Just a few more days! I was in your same shoes 1 week ago and what an amazing time…finally being post transfer…yet the suspense is unreal! Reading into every twinge, then trying not too…all along just wishing, hoping and praying that the embryos have found a snug little home!!! I am SOOO excited for you and hoping you get that CONGRATULATION in a few short days!!!

  12. liddy July 26, 2012 at 5:02 pm #

    Sending you lots of positive thoughts!

    An ICLW Visit from #63
    liddy @ the unfair struggle (mfi, speedskating, 1st 2ww)

  13. Emily @ablanket2keep July 29, 2012 at 2:40 pm #

    I love how you are visualizing a positive beta! Keep it up! This is going to work! Suck that your Hubby will be away, but hope your parents give you the exact support you need.

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