Out of our hands

21 Jul

As we were walking down the hallway of Labor & Delivery this morning on our way to our embryo transfer, our nurse/ultrasound tech casually asked us if we’ve thought about where we want to deliver. Ha! Can you believe that? This is the same lady who told me I should wear my Wonder Woman socks when I deliver. But I was tickled (I seriously love this lady).Β She really thinks I’m destined to have a kid one day.Β “No, we’re just focusing on getting pregnant right now.”

Everything went pretty much perfectly today. Our RE happened to be the RE on call this weekend which I was grateful for. We did have some trepidation going in on the one vs. two question. After I posted yesterday, I started thinking and Googling and realizing how pretty much all signs (age, embryo quality, embryo quantity, type of transfer [fresh], insurance coverage, etc.) point to a SET. DH is all about the SET. Everything about the idea of twins just freaks him out.

We decided to bring this up with our RE. I was considering it but not really completely decided, and I wanted to leave some room in my decision for whatever input our RE had. Well, he very strongly suggested two for one simple reason: higher success rates.Given how well everything has gone this cycle, he put our chances of success at 50-60%. That drops, he said, by 15%, if we switch to one. The embryologist came in with a reel of embryo pictures about a mile long and showed us which one they’d be transferring, if we did one. #10. Lucky #10. DH happened to be wearing a soccer jersey today with #10 on it. He was thrilled; this was kismet.

Well, who would we be transferring if we did two? Still lucky #10 (a huge, beautiful blast btw) and also, lucky #7 (also beautiful). He said if we transferred these two today, we’d have five more to freeze today, and possibly a few more tomorrow, if some caught up. I was torn. I do really trust my RE and his success rates speak for themselves. He told us about how many successful twin pregnancies he’s seen through and how for someone my age, they’ve had very, very good outcomes. Plus, he pointed out, then we could be done.

I have to admit, this idea kind of appealed to me. Many years ago, I dreamed of having a gaggle of children. Many, many children. A brood. Infertility has taken that away. One would be amazing now. Two would be incredible. And knowing what we likely have to go through each time we want just a chance to conceive, I realized that I wouldn’t mind being done. Free of the agony of TTC, of REs and IVF and needles and procedures and medications and stirrups and waiting rooms. IVF has been a lot harder than I ever imagined it would be (doesn’t help that my ovaries over-respond to medication) and if I don’t have to do it again? I’m okay with that.

So, he left us alone to decide and I wished more than anything that we didn’t have to make a game time decision. That we had had more conversations the two of us, and together with him. It wasn’t really anyone’s fault though and there we were. After much back and forth, we finally agreed to the two. I felt we were more likely to not get pregnant at all, or get a singleton. And I really, really want to succeed. And if it’s twins? We’ll freak out, we’ll be scared, but then we’ll embrace the incredible blessing and do everything in our power to make it work.

(ETA: We also don’t know what our specific fertility problem is. Everything went so great this cycle and yet, something is clearly wrong. With everything else looking so good, most likely, it’s a genetic thing with our embryos. So what if #10 has a problem but #7 doesn’t? This is where an unexplained diagnosis can work both for and against you, but to me, it was an argument FOR two embryos.)

So two it was. My favorite nurse immediately came back in and put us at ease. She told us how sometimes having two in there makes it more likely that one will implant. I had heard this before though I’m not sure where. Some kind of communication occurs between the two embryos that makes them want to implant more, almost like a competition.

The procedure itself, though not at all comfortable, was bearable. I didn’t do the best job of making sure my bladder was very full but it wasn’t a big deal, I guess they could see well enough. A few clicks of the speculum, swabs of cotton, and a catheter in my cervix later and he was in! We watched as a little swoosh of liquid went in, then had a short wait while the embryologist made sure they were both definitely out of the catheter (they were). And just like that, #s 10 and 7 reported for duty in my uterus and our wait began.

As everything was removed, both my RE and the nurse marveled at how perfectly the placement had gone.Β I asked the nurse if anything I could do would move the embryos from their places and she gave me this amazing analogy: it’s like inserting a pea into a peanut butter sandwich. Even if you drop the sandwich, the pea won’t really move. Oddly enough, that made perfect sense!

So for now, we’re done. Out of our hands now, my RE said as he left. The nurse gave me a hug. On we went to grab a quick breakfast (Bagel World!) and get some acupuncture. I’m kind of excited to get back to my regular routine next week and not have to go into the clinic ever other day. Beta is a week from Tuesday.

Hopefully one of these peas sticks!

***********************************

To everyone joining for ICLW, welcome! As you can see, we just had our first ET for IVF #1. We had a great cycle and DH and I are really excited to see how it turns out. In the meantime, help distract me while I wait! If you’re still interested in learning more about me, that info can be found here. Thanks for dropping by!

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17 Responses to “Out of our hands”

  1. Katie July 22, 2012 at 12:26 am #

    Completely out of your hands now. I hope the best for you,

  2. Cristy July 22, 2012 at 1:15 am #

    Such good news about today! Thinking of you and chanting “implant and GROW” on this end!! Come on, little embies!!!!

  3. talesofacautiousoptimist July 22, 2012 at 1:49 am #

    So happy to hear the transfer went well and you were able to decide how many embryos you and your husband were most comfortable with. Hoping to hear happy news very soon! πŸ™‚

    • Shelley July 23, 2012 at 2:06 am #

      Likewise! πŸ™‚

  4. Aly (@breathegently) July 22, 2012 at 2:00 am #

    Sounds like you’ve had the perfect IVF cycle – and I’m looking forward to seeing the results at the end! πŸ™‚ Our clinic only does SET and I’m happy about that… but also a little sad seeing so many people get pregnant from doubles.

  5. Kate @ Infertile First Mom July 22, 2012 at 3:42 pm #

    Oh you must be so relieved to have all of that behind you! I know the TWW is a slow form of torture, but it sounds like things went superbly! I couldn’t be happier for you. I’m crossing everything and imagining little peas sticking in peanut butter:)

  6. taradawes July 22, 2012 at 5:29 pm #

    Stopping in from ICLW. Hopefully your TWW will be a quick one, and personally I think 2 is a good choice (I have also heard the idea that having two will make one more likely to implant). If both take, I grew up with a slew of twins in my family and I have to say I was always a bit jealous of them, seemed like it would be a lot of fun to be a twin πŸ˜€ Either way, sending best wishes your way and I really look forward to following your journey!

  7. Alissa July 22, 2012 at 6:33 pm #

    Oh the transfer is the most exciting time. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you and can’t wait to hear the results. Now it’s just the darned wait! Take it easy over the next few days and think positive thoughts. You are almost there!

  8. cassiedash July 22, 2012 at 7:07 pm #

    Dropping in for ICLW. So happy to hear how well things have gone for this cycle and how promising everything looks. I’m hoping for the best for you and I look forward to following your journey!

  9. B July 22, 2012 at 7:32 pm #

    Here from ICLW. Sounds like it was a great transfer! I completely understand your reasoning for wanting to transfer two and feel the same way. I wish you lots and lots of luck and look forward to following along your journey!

  10. Jenny July 22, 2012 at 8:27 pm #

    Go, #10 and #7! Glad to hear the transfer went well. I hope the beta brings you happy news. πŸ™‚

    Thank you so much for your kind comment on my blog yesterday. It was very much appreciated.

  11. Lisa @ hapahopes July 22, 2012 at 10:14 pm #

    Happy ICLW! Sounds like it went great! Congrats! Although having to go through L&D to do your transfer would be torture! You’re very brave!

  12. Keisha July 22, 2012 at 11:21 pm #

    Yay for #10 and #7! I hope, hope, hope that soon we will have a real name for at least one of them. I’m holding my breath and crossing my fingers for you two (or four?). Please take it easy and be kind to yourself. I’ll be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way all week.

  13. JJ July 23, 2012 at 1:38 am #

    Go #10 and #7! Just visiting for ICWL and will continue to follow you to see what happens!

  14. Emily @ablanket2keep July 23, 2012 at 4:10 am #

    Hoping you have lots of sticky peanutbutter in your uterus!!! LOL that sounds so strange, but you know what I mean. Come on little ones!!! Dig in nice and deep! Keeping everything crossed and praying they stick around.

  15. Lindsay July 24, 2012 at 12:30 am #

    Oh, I am so hopeful for you!!! Can’t believe you made it this far and don’t seem to be too uncomfortable…here’s hoping at least one pea sticks around πŸ™‚

  16. KelBel July 24, 2012 at 9:28 pm #

    Hi from ICLW…my fingers are crossed for you! I look forward to following your journey πŸ™‚

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