The capacity to console

19 Apr

Like many of us, I’m always searching for lessons from infertility. It’s a pretty obvious attempt by my rational brain to make sense of WHY this happening to me. Like it or not, I think most of us can point to a few, if not many, important and dare I say positive lessons we’ve learned from infertility. Unpleasant as it is 99% of the time, I’ll be the first to admit that it has forced me to grow in good ways, in ways I maybe never would have otherwise.

I have a whole post on infertility lessons drafted on my personal blog and I’ve debated whether or not to post it there, post it here, or both places. Eventually I’ll figure it out, but today I received another lesson to add to the list when a client told me that her grandmother just passed away. I found myself knowing just what to say and not feeling awkward at all in consoling her via a written email, even though we’ve never met.

So I’m adding to the pile of infertility lessons: the capacity to console. It’s not because I’ve lost grandmothers myself that I knew what to say. It’s because I’m consoling my sisters on this journey on a near weekly basis, for losses and tragedies big and small. For that, I am grateful as I’m sure this is a skill that will serve me well for the rest of my days.

Have you found an increased capacity to console as the result of IF?

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2 Responses to “The capacity to console”

  1. Cristy April 19, 2012 at 3:06 pm #

    Definitely. After spending so much time wishing others would say or not say certain things while I’ve been on this journey, I’ve found that not only do I know how to deal with someone else’s grief better, but also I know how important it is to continue to follow up with as they move through the process.

    Infertility is grief. Extended grief. Most people will not experience grief like this. But as you pointed out, there is a benefit of knowing grief, as you also know how to support during difficult times.

  2. Joanna April 20, 2012 at 3:22 pm #

    This is a great post. I also have found that after going through all of this with infertility (and my horribly painful disease endo), I have this understanding that everybody has demons they deal with on a daily basis.
    Sometimes they aren’t as “big” as other people’s issues, but everybody thinks their problems are important. And after thinking and worrying about my own for so long, I’ve come to respect that about other people.
    I guess I can thank my disease and infertility diagnosis for giving me that.

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