Because I owe you

14 Nov

Hi. I am alive. We are alive. This blog, however, has been very dead for awhile.

I’m sorry I disappeared. We brought baby J home from the hospital for the very first time on August 28th after 101 days inpatient.

At first my excuse was how busy and stressed I was, because we were so busy setting up what is essentially a mini hospital set up in our home. J came home on IV nutrition which is a very big and stressful and involved thing for reasons I can’t begin to go into. And we were so stressed trying to figure out her bowels. She threw up a lot that first month and progress was excruciatingly slow.

But then things turned a little corner and we settled into our routine and she started eating and pooping more and throwing up way less. The second month home was much better. But still I didn’t blog because I didn’t know how to anymore. I honestly couldn’t figure out what tone or content or approach to take. I didn’t want to be too light and undermine what we’re going through, nor did I want to be too serious. I didn’t feel like glossing over things nor did I have the energy to explain all the details.

In a way, I feel like I failed the readers of this blog and the members of this community that gave and gave when I needed it so much. I thought about running away forever but that didn’t feel right either. I owed you an update, even just an acknowledgment. So here I am/it is.

We’re good, she’s growing like a champ, she’s so happy and engaging and beautiful that everyone falls in love with her instantly. We still have a few months yet on PN but one day we’ll hook her up to the pumps for the last time. One day in the next few months (I hope), we’ll go in to Children’s to have her central line surgically removed. This will, hands down, be the happiest day of our lives. When the threat of bacterial infection and the line getting pulled out is removed from our constant list of worries.

Until then we wait and take care of her to the best of our abilities. In the meantime I have left my job because her care is way too involved for anyone other than a trained nurse or, ironically, me or DH, to do. And it needs to be me. I know her and her history more than anyone ever can or will (other than DH who is the best partner in this anyone could imagine). Money will get tighter each month but it’s okay. It’s worth it. And it’s not forever.

I also started an Etsy shop. I needed something else, some other purpose and outlet and so mini mintery was born: https://www.etsy.com/shop/minimintery.

As for the future of telling our story here on this blog, I don’t know. All those feelings about how to be here remain. I’d like to be able to come back now and again but will I? I don’t know. What I’m saying is, this isn’t a break up, I don’t want to be exes, but maybe just friends with benefits?

To those who would like to keep in touch, email me. Or you can try my other blog though I’ve done a pretty crappy job blogging there too: http://www.thespottedduck.com.

That’s all for now. I love you all.

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13 Responses to “Because I owe you”

  1. Esperanza November 14, 2013 at 9:44 pm #

    Shelley! It’s so good to hear from you. I had been wondering how you and J were! I’m so glad she’s home and that things are getting better, slowly but surely. I can’t imagine how stressful that all must be. You are amazing for getting through it all with the grace and determination that you’ve showed.

    I totally understand you’re ambivalence toward this space. I appreciate you coming back to let us know how all is going, but you also have to do what is best for you. Even friends with benefits may be asking too much, having said that, a “booty call” now and then wouldn’t be turned down. ;)

    I hope things continue to go well and that baby J keeps thriving under your amazing care. She is a very lucky baby to have such a dedicated and able mother.

    Thanks again for the update!

  2. JM November 14, 2013 at 9:51 pm #

    So glad to hear all the progress she has had! No problem on taking your time away from blogging when you need it. We will be here every time you need to vent. Wish you the best luck and many more terrific news to come!. ((HUGS))

  3. Theresa November 15, 2013 at 1:16 am #

    First, your cards are adorable! It’s really good to see you again! I hope you’ll be back more frequently but understand if you aren’t.

  4. Kristin November 15, 2013 at 2:39 am #

    Shelley, I’m so happy that J is home and that things are on the upswing. Such good news! Your cards are fabulous. Have you ever considered owls or gnomes…gnomes or owls…? Good to hear from you!

  5. Katie November 15, 2013 at 3:05 am #

    Oh I’ve been thinking of you…hope to hear from you whenever you can…

  6. Courtney November 15, 2013 at 6:29 am #

    It is so great to hear from you! How fantastic that J is home with you where she belongs! What a ride you’ve all had. Wow!

    Great decision on staying home. I know it was made out of necessity, but you’ll always be glad you did it. I remember when I quit, everyone said, “you may be unsure right now, but you’ll never regret it.”. They were right!

    Thank you for the update! And good luck with your etsy store. Beautiful cards!

  7. Flowergirl (@Flowergirl_15) November 15, 2013 at 3:14 pm #

    Thanks so much for the update, I had been wondering and worrying about what had been happening. I’m really pleased that things are heading in the right direction. Best wishes to the 3 of you for a fabulous future xx

  8. Trisha November 15, 2013 at 7:04 pm #

    I was just thinking about you guys! I can’t imagine how difficult the past few months have been and I for one don’t blame you for not updating. You had much more important things to think about. But I’m glad to hear from you guys and glad your little girl is home and doing okay. Please let me know if you ever need anything, even if it is just a listening ear. Lots of love to you Shelley!

  9. Donna November 15, 2013 at 9:04 pm #

    I’m so happy you posted! It’s wonderful to hear how everything is going and that y’all are ok after following for so long. Of course you have a lot going on right now and it makes perfect sense that blogging will not necessarily feel the same for you. But we do loving reading if you ever decide to come back. Stay strong, Mama and just do what you need to to take care of your sweet girl. Praying that she stays strong and healthy and she’s eating all on her own soon.

  10. theyellowblanket November 18, 2013 at 10:10 pm #

    SOOO glad everything is going well. Do what you have to do to balance your life! :)

  11. Christa November 20, 2013 at 1:30 am #

    I am so glad you updated — you don’t know me, but pre-birth, my baby was also seen at the AFCC and then at Chidren’s after birth and so many of the things you posted resonated with me as well. After not seeing anything for a long time, I was worried that things had gone badly, and am glad to know you are all home and doing well.

  12. Constant November 24, 2013 at 10:54 pm #

    Hi Shelley! I’m glad to see you back and to read that little J is home safe and sound. This is all great news. :)

    I’m not sure if I already let you know, but I have a new blog now – constantinthedarkness.blogspot.ca (I shut down queenoftheslipstream in the interest of anonimity).

    Looking forward to reading more about your journey through mommyhood! :)

  13. Ms. Future PharmD December 4, 2013 at 8:05 pm #

    I’m so glad to know you’re all doing well. Do what works for you all.

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